Am I insane or is this normal?

So, well there's a girl and her name is Lily. We met on the internet. I love her & well, I can't deal with my hormones, so since my goldfish has a p3nis, I touched it pretending it was my p3nis [but imma grl & want a sex change].... Anyway, I also do the same with barbie dolls and I feel dirty and guilty after. I can't deal with all of this & my cat looks at me like a monster, so I think it wants to kill me. I just want Lily to touch me coz I'm a huge lesbian & she's straight :/ should I kill my cat before it kills me?